Self Handwriting Analysis effects

Did I mention that I analyse handwritings? I do. I am sure I have mentioned it many a time.

Why I took up Handwriting Analysis etc etc is going to be a long long long post. So that will have to wait for a more conducive time. Right now its almost 7 in the morning, and a night without sleep makes a person write all kinds of crap. So I dont want to write a long post full of crap. I would rather write a short one :o)

Ok. But the central theme of this post remains graphology.

Have u ever tried u read ur own palm? Or tried to identify ur own body language?
When I used to go for Yoga classes in Infosys, at the end of a gruelling session of Yoga (oh yes Yoga can be much much much more taxing on the body than lifting weights), the instructors asked us to lie down and breathe. Then he asked us to count our breaths. Invariably the breathing speed used to reduce (more importantly change). Why?

When we are conscious of something we are doing, and we know that the right way to do it, or the way we want it done, is not exactly the way its being done right now, then our body or conscious involuntarily tries to bring it to the way we want.

Same is the case with Handwriting. When I know what my handwriting means, and there is something that I want to improve on, then automatically my brain would try and change my natural flow of handwriting to the desirable flow.

Is this good or bad? A bit of both.
Good, because what is happening here is graphotherapy (am not sure of the term). One can actually influence a change or improvement in characteristics by changing one's handwriting, or continuously practising writing specific words or letters in specific ways. It works.
Bad, because I find it very difficult to write in my normal flow (unless I am in an exam where graphology jaye tel bechne :o)). Even my drawings (I analyse drawings too :o)) invariably reflect what I want them to reflect. So the spontaneity is lost to a large extent.

But then in today's world where we hardly put pen to paper (except for signing credit card dues...oh btw I have never owned a credit card :o)), graphology or graphotherapy etc arent really very practical.

Disclaimer: The views and fundae expressed in this post may not be in sync with the available literature on the subject. This is something the author beleives and hence its his personal opinion (aajkal ki duniya mein pata nahi kaun kab maar le :o) )

Letters

We live in the electronic age. Everything happens the e-way. U get e-greetings. U get e-mails. U make e-friends. U even fall in love over the net!

Coming to e-mails, its something that most of us cant live without today. I myself cant think of what life would be without e-mails. But no matter how much I am dependent on e-mails, no matter how many times i keep refreshing my mail accounts to check for mails :o), the charm of a letter can never be dethroned.

I still remember when in first yr of engineering, no matter how much work load was there, I always used to manage to find time to write letters on a weekly or fortnightly basis. And what u sow so shall u reap. So I always had a steady flow of letters coming to me. Letters from home. Letters from my then crush (I wont use the word girlfriend, because for me it means much more than a crush.....Anurag....stop digressing...that was my antaraatma talking to me :o)). So all of us friends used to sit down and read letters and it was so nice.

But leaving the status symbol apart, of being the person who receives the most number of letters in the hostel (ok within my friend circle. I used to get letters from home almost every fortnight :o). Also from friends, coz i wrote to them once in a month or so), the very feeling of getting a letter is something special.
Its not about being in college. The very fact that you hold in ur hands a piece of paper which someone has actually written down for u, put down thoughts, events, experiences, emotions, just for u. Its a very very very special feeling. And I do miss it.

The last I wanted to write a letter was in Bangalore. I wanted to write it and leave it in a mailbox where the concerned person would collect it. But due to circumstances, that was not to be.
Even now, I sometimes feel like receiving a letter. But then am too lazy to sit down and write one. So unless I write one how do i expect to receive one? And even if i write one, still should I expect to receive one. Coz i would have got over my laziness, but would the other person also get over it.

To think of it, since I learnt handwriting analysis, I never wrote or received a letter. Now when i think of it, actually now is the time when i should be writing and receiving letters, coz i can read not just the lines but the emotions and the person also to some extent.

But I am too lazy for it.

I still want to write one letter. But do i get to write it? Dunno. Really doubt it :o)
But then that is a different story for a different day for a different time. For now, I miss my dear letters

The bonds we signed...(IT people)

I love Human Resources as a subject. Leave the theory part alone. I would give anyone anything (almost anything) on any given day to do that part for me. But the idea of sitting and thinking of HR problems and thinking of possible reasons and solutions for them is interesting. I dont get much time to do that.

But then we have this great prof who is teaching us HR nowadays(the same person took my IIM A interview..that too was a...er...different experience :o)). The way relates various cases to releavant topics and the amount of knowledge he has is just amazing (only one problem, he moves his hands too much while teaching. So if u r the kind of person who would look at both the person and his hands while listening to him/her, then you would get totally lost. Eg. The point is goin in the east direction or rather its coming in your direction, but the hands are moving in north east and south west direction, so you would get lost. If you couldnt understand the previous point on misdirection, plz dont strain ur nerves. what is to follow is what i intend to say in this blog, not bout gestures and directions :) )

Yes, so what i was saying is that that other day we were dealing with a case on labour relations (all these cases might sound very fundoo. they are. But thn we the people who read them arent. Because after the class, anyone hardly remembers anything :)). So there was this discussion going on in class bout strikes and employee contracts etc.

Sir told us that there cannot be a unidirectional employee contract wherein one is bonded to work for an employer.

I too had heard of this funda when i was working for an IT company in Blore. Most of the IT companies have this funda of signing bonds when we enter. So i asked the prof bout it and the reason of why one has to pay the money when he/she quits the company within the probation period.

The prof explained it in a very nice manner. He took me as an example (i remember him doing something similar with the questions that he posed to me in my interview :)). He said say Anurag joins an IT company. The bond which he signs has written on it that (not the exact wordings but the idea is the same...also note that i am exagerrating this account a bit :o) ):
Anurag is a lost person with an education which has no relevance whatsoever. His knowledge is zilch and he needs educational training to be able to work and earn a living in this organization. Hence we are providing him training in our facilities on our expense. So its equivalent to us lending him money. The money amounts to so n so Rs or $. If he works his arse off or us for so n so many years (say 2 or 1) only then can he releive himself of the favour we have done to him and kinda repay the amound we spend on him.

This is what the bond says (the idea, not the words or the exagerration :o)). So in effect the bond we sign is one of borrowing money. And no court in this country or any country is going to stand by you if u default on payment of money borrowed.

I dont know if u find it interesting, but i found it amazing. I dont know exactly why. But maybe i myself had signed such a bond, a copy of which is still there at home in Guwahati. Maybe coz i have seen my friends in other companies pay money for breaking or premature termination of these bonds. Maybe coz i am interested in people and such issues as such. Or maybe (very high possibility) that was one of the few lectures i managed to stay awake :) (actually the number of lectures i stay awake in nowadays is increasing, but its still a very sorry number. So i plan to stay awake in all three lectures 2moro. I knows its a big ask when i plan to sleep now in ten minutes and wake up in 1.5 hours, but then lets try. 3 shots of strong caffeine before all three lectures should do me some good :o).
Caffeine....nicotine.......life is beautiful....but short :) )

So dost log, this was today's gyan session from my side. If i get to know more such interesting fundas, u can rest assured i would share them (in a similar or more exagerrated manner) with u on this blog.

So stay tuned (sometimes i think i should have been an actor. But whenever this thought occurs to me, i remember the one act play i acted in during T-nite, and my legs which were aching to fly me across the stage into oblivion, and my ears which were trying so so so hard to shut down from hearing the boos from the crowd, and my eyes which wanted to shut down so that they could not see the same confusion and frustration on the faces of my fellow actors...this account is again a bit but very slightly exagerrated. But then whenever i think of this thing, n i think of that unplesant experience in the play, i also think....what the hell...bring me the script :o) )

the great indian wedding :o)

i live in a strange place. the customs here are pretty strange.
i am sure in one of my previous blogs i did mention the funda of tempo shouts. isnt that strange?
on 18th realized the strangeness of another of the traditions here. Its called the baraat
yes, the normal baraat ie the wedding procession of the bride groom
now u would be inclined to think....hmmm...too much of economics, f****d up marks in OM and every other subject has got to this guy's nerves. well maybe. But then u wont lose anything by reading my dissertation for a few minutes :o)
18th was the birthday of one of my group mates. we tease her and this other group mate of mine. the whole section teases them. now we all know the mentality in a college right (even in a b-school). anyone smells the slightest whiff of gossip or any chance to pull someone else's leg, thn there is no time to be wasted in verifying facts. all that needs to be done is get some fun n timepass at the other's expense (i am one of the chief supporters and proponents of this philosophy :o))
okie, all said n done, there two indivs were teased to be in love. so it was but obvious that we take out our brother's baraat for his paro on her birthday
and since this person was from my dorm, so i had the added responsibility of overlooking the event
so i made a baraat ppt (1 hr :( ) and with the help of other like minded supporters of love, arranged for drums etc (to make lots n lots of noise :o) )
then the holy hour approached. we had called for the baraat at 0005 hrs. the bride groom was dressed in a khaki kurta and jeans, with a dusting cloth wrapped around his head for turban
he had a garland of leaves (and was armed with one for the bride :o) )
his mode of transport was a racing bicycle :o)
one samaritan got shagun ki mithai. so finally we all baraatis left to get the bride (and to eat cake n chips and coke on the occasion of the bride's bday)
here in WIMWI we have this other funda of "dunking". It is the term used for drenching poor, unsuspecting individuals (or alert suspecting individuals) for no particular reason (or on specific occasions or for particular reasons). On our way out, one of the dorms known for their dunking skills was lying in wait for us. But we had to disappoint them since we were leaving for such a divine purpose. We took a route right in front of them, but too far for the parabolic distance that their buckets' water could cover. For higher purposes, someone has to sacrifice personal interests. So we sacrificed their interests :o)
So with all pomp and glory and noise, we reached the ladies dorm (here in WIMWI we can enter the ladies dorm at any time :) ). There at the gates, the groom's saalis created barriers for entry (sorry could not help using an economic term :) ) for us. There was an exchange of songs, some failed (semi successful) dunking attempts. Finally the bride's mother (dorm representative of the concerned ladies dorm) came with a aarti thali (a candle held on a steel plate) and took out the groom's aarti. But we were still not allowed to enter. Hence we had to breach into the fort :o)
Finally all we baraatis reached the mandap (read first floor :o)) were the bride was there. Then again songs ensued, with all we future managers creating a cacophony at the tops of ours voices (only the guys ie the baraatis were singing, hence the proper usage of the word cacophony instead of melody :) ). Then there was a cake cutting for the bday. Part of our mission of filling our appetites was fulfilled. The groom then started expressing his love for the bride, under the scrutiny of the ma ie the dorm rep. If the mother considered it correct, only then would the two love birds be allowed to unite in holy matrimony.
While all this was going on, I was thinking that the dunking manager of this dorm is very very very inefficient. Such a beautiful chance of honing one's dunking skills being wasted. But all of us (luckily I wasnt dunked...taking a bath late at night when its kinda cold is not a very enticing proposition) found out that we were wrong. The dunking managers (oh did i mention that in WIMWI we have dedicated managers for everything in the dorms, right from dunking to pantry to birthdays to "entertainment") attacked us with all the viciousness possible. Many of us were fatally injured (read drenched to our underwears :) ). But we didnt budge. The groom proposed. But the ma rejected the proposal.
Then only one alternative was left......dulha dulhan raazi to kya karega kaazi :o)
The groom held the bride's hand and we all fled from the dorm. The dulhan ke ghar waliyan tried to stop the "march of the third reich" :o) but they could not succeed.
So finally the great indian wedding took place, and the groom and bride lived happily every after :o)

I do live in a very very very strange place.
And I am loving it :o)

a small insight into my subconscious

i thought for a long time whether i should put this post online or not coz it might be misconstrued or misunderstood to convey some subtle meaning but then i decided that it should be on 15th, the day i had this dream, immediately after waking up (from semi-sleep), i knew i had to write bout this. Hence i will go by my instinct n post it :o)

i was in my semi-sleep as in i knew i should be getting up, but then i didnt want to end an initial dream which i was having so i went back to semi-sleep n continued my dream. then there was a change of dreams this new dream was on my marriage (now u see what i meant when i said it might be misconstrued :o)) there was this girl, very beautiful, whom my parents wanted me to marry even she was ready (anything can happen in a dream ;o)) i too obliged but then (in the dream itself) i could feel that something somewhere was wrong the rest of the dream went on with the preparations of marriage n stuff like that but then on the day or few days before D-day (it wasnt on the day of the marriage like hindi movies where the hero, which in this case is me, comes with all the pomp n merriment n blah blah blah....), i decided to talk to my parents regarding this feeling which i was having within me i could not (in my dream) recognize why was i feeling that something is not right i talked to them and told them this, and then after discussing with them for sometime, i decided that this wasnt meant to be (till the end of the dream i never realized why) and the marriage was called off
i guess i apologized to the girl and things ended happily..something of that sort

i woke up a bit bewildered but happy

why was i bewildered?
because of the dream (still dont know the actual reason of the bewilderment. didnt try to pinpoint it down)

why was i happy? coz my subconscious knows what my conscious does, and approves of it too :o)

so that was the story of the great indian "dream" marriage that wasnot meant to be :o)

you know.......

english language is a very flexible entity
words can be inserted here n there every now n then n still make perfect sense
words like.....This is how it happens, RIGHT?
but the most impressive (n the most irritating to my ears) is YOU KNOW
every now n then i have to hear things like "i was walking down this lane, YOU KNOW, n then suddenly......."
now there can be two cases
case 1: i know
if i know then i dont need u to keep asking me every now n then if i know or not. if i know then i am enlightened, ur asking me every 3 second isnt going to make me omniscient

case 2: i dont know
i DONT KNOW. that is why i am listening to u intently (or at least putting up a face of doing so). ur asking me again n again isnt goin to drive the point home, YOU KNOW :o)

so , YOU KNOW, there is this place, YOU KNOW, called the sandhas, YOU KNOW, the hindi for lavotary, where, YOU KNOW, u should go and crap out ur, YOU KNOW, chulla, for, YOU KNOW......dont u? :o)

first impressions......

i have always (for the last few months :o)) wanted to write something on first impressions and their impact and what i think bout them and bout my experiences with them
when i was in school i usually always paired up with the kind of people whom somewhere down the line i used to think i shldnt have grouped up with. it was based on first impressions. they were pretty impressive people in the sense that i felt comfortable with them but then gradually with time invariably the comfort level used to go down
happened even with my crushes. it was all based on first impressions. am not going to malign anyone out here coz one cannot say whose fault it was or rather how much each of the two parties are at fault in a breakup. what i am saying is that invariably in school and in college too i kinda initially liked the kind of people whom over time i grew uncomfortable with
the discomfort was in terms of psychology. i beleive i am a very strange person who acts pretty strangely on many occasions. maybe that is the reason that i could not gel with these individuals
but then the fact remains that on the basis of first impression i have usually made mistakes in identifying people
as far as crushes are concerned they stopped in 3-4th yr in college. i beleive at the age of 20-21 one should be mature enough to be able to take decisions which are beyond just crushes and at a more higher level. hence the next plunge i have taken has been after months of contemplation and thinking over n over n over n over it again n again n again n again
but then that is a totally different story, again a strange one. somehow the word strange refuses to part with me :o)
so we will leave that apart for more than one reasons
what i am saying is that with time i have learned to defer judgements, defer the impact of impressions to a later time when i actually can observe and decide wat a person is really like
happened again at wimwi. there is this guy whom initially came across as a realy arrogant and self centered and obnoxious kinda person (i think the words are too strong but then to visualize the person just use somewat weaker versions of the above adjectives n u can form the mental picture of the person). but then this time over i defered my judgement. and now i beleive (not think not feel but beleive) tht he is a good person and a nice friend.
i cant define how this change in "impression" came over. i cant define what his actions were to bring about this change of one's mental image. but then over time and interaction the above mentioned did change to present a really nice person
so what i am trying to drive at is many a time we make mistakes in judging people by the first impression
many a time we make mistakes by holding against people what they were at a previous period or point of time
i agree that it is not easy to undo what someone has done. it definitely is not. if someone screws my happiness then i am gonna make it a point to try n find some point in life where i screw his
but then the fact that someone had a wrong notion of me or i had a very different notion of someone at a point in the past, should not stop me from trying to identify and more importantly accept that maybe i wasnt right about that notion, maybe i did make an error, or if i didnt then maybe the person in quesiton has changed
i takes time to trust people, especially after a bad first impression
but then its not impossible, rather it should not be impossible. coz its we who make things possible or impossible
n personaly i feel that if i did make first impressions reign my feelings n decisions, then i beleive i would have been deprived of something...a feeling.... really beautiful in this life
n also some really good friends
if there is someone sitting up there watching.....thanks :o)

so like u........

I was waiting for feedback on one of my many poor performances in one of my many subjects. It was almost 5 and i had to run back to my room for some work that had to be done at 5.
our instructor is this lady who is really nice and teaches really well. she has flawless english, something that i want to master someday :o)
haan, so when she started giving me feedback, she spoke in a way that sounded very familiar. She spoke a bit in hindi and always had a smile on her face, while trying to explain things i could not understand.
I immediately recollected where i had seen such a smile ,with sentences in hindi spoken in a kind of english accent but very indian, with the head half tilted, and the smile conveying understanding, and the eyes also smiling. It was so very similar. So very like someone..........
Let there be no confusion here. My instructor is an elderly lady and i respect her.
What i am trying to convey is that so many times u see such kutti kutti things that teleport u back to a time that u so much want to relive, moments that u cherish all ur life.........things so similar, so familiar, yet to distant, so elusive.................................adios

someone finds me cute :o)

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
this was my first reaction when i came to know this. Of course i did blush a bit. Who wont :o)
But then when my group mate told me tht she had come of know that there are people in the ladies dorm who find me cute (how come girls find everything, right from a dog to a guy, cute ??? ), all i could think was....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
why would i laugh? this is why.
i am the kind of person who is not what he seems to be superficially or rahter in the first few meetings or when meeting formally. if u see my handwriting, u will find traces of that. But then handwriting analysis is a different story which i would discuss on a different day in a different mood. Haan so the fact that cuteness was ascribed to me, of all people was very funny to me
but then one thing i liked about the whole episode was that my smile is appreciated.
Why i liked it is not because its was girls tat appreciated it. there was a time in the initial years of college and before that that i tried not to smile, always wore a grave look, tried to be as serious as possible. But then college life, hostel life changed that, and i started to smile flashing the whole set of my whitish yellow teeth :o)
it makes one feel good, smiling that it. And equally important it makes the other person also feel good. A great white smile is something anyone could use on any given day :o)
oh before i end there are other reasons for why this piece of information did not send my hormones flying high. There are few decisions i have made in life, in the sense that decision i am really sure of and really intend to stick to. N of all those decisions, there are just a couple which i really trust myself to be correct on and intend to stick to till the good lord calls me back to hell :o) so help me lord...amen (why did i say that.....i hardly beleive that god can change things :o))

tying........so very relavant

i usually make fun of economics in my posts. But its a pretty interesting and relevant subject. Why? Coz many a time it actually helps us relate to what is actually goin on in the real world.
The other day, we were taught the concept of tying. Its something like when a manufacturer or rather a seller sells a good, he puts a precondition that u have to buy another good of his with it. Its like u buy a photostat machine, u also HAVE to buy 100 bundles of paper with it. THe compulsion can be disguised in a way that the consumer feels that he is benefitting, or it might also be blatant.
In one of the blatant examples of tying given in class, the prof mentioned the way the zamindari system usually operates in india today. the farmers usually are in a need of money, and the only source is the local moneylender. the money lender is usually also the zamindar. The farmer is given the money, with the slight precondition that he will have to sell his produce to the zamindar only, rahter he will be able to sell his produce to no one but the zamindar. And the zamindar would pay the appropriate price for it. sounds fine right.
the fish has taken the bait.
now the farmer cant sell his produce to anyone but the zamindar. The zamindar buys the farmer's produce at a cheap rate and sells it at a much higher rate. the farmer is worse off.
such practices and many more have been very aptly described in the book "everybody loves a good drought". I dont remember the name of the author. It is one book that would really touch your heart.
wen one drinks a glass of water half and throw away the rest, he should not forget that in our very own country, there still are women who walk for over 20 kms thru trying terrian to get a day's drinking water. there are many more such real life stories in that book. i am really thankful to the person who gave it to me for reading. Before reading that book, i hardly realized the profoundness of poverty in our country. But i wont be exagerrating that after reading that book, i have decided to something for the society for the rest of my life once i am start earning. In fact even now, i am thinking of joining the NGO in our institute. Probably in the next term i would join it and try and contribute my part.
talking bout NGO's i still remember my IIFT interview, when one of the interviewers asked me of something i want to do in the future. I had mentioned vaguely my career interests and had also mentioned that i would like to set up or be part of an NGO (me n a few of my friends actually do have ideas..lets see if they fructify). he laughed. He actually laughed when i mentioned my desire to join n NGO and said that every other candidate says that. I dont blame him too. I guess every other candidate does say this. The only way i can stop people from laughing is by actually doing something for the society. Coz as of now, i am just one of those people who just say that we will do something.
But i am sure i will.
small things like books can actually change people a lot. But then that is a topic for discussion in another post :o)

KITA

Individual Dynamics is a very interesting subject as such. For a person like me who is pretty interested in people and in human behaviour (though i dont have a huge set of books or theory which i have read to support my interest :o) ), it is a very nice subject. But then what i like is thinking about what would someone do in a scenario like this, or how would someone solve this human problem. Theory in subjects like HR and ID comprise of models of how people behave and similar stuff. Maybe its interesting, maybe its enlightening, but to a lesser mortal like me, its nothing but pure torture.
Whatever, the other day, while going thru one of the readings recommended for ID (recommended means one HAS to read them for class), i came across a very nice term. KITA which is the acronym for Kick In The Arse. Its one of the ways of motivation or something like that. I dont remember the exact context in which it was used. BUt then the part kick just struck me because of a different reason. Let me just describe how.
I sit in the front row in the class. Its now the usual straight row. Our classes are like seminar halls with the free central region and seats surrounding it all across, rising with each row. So i am in the bottom-most row, right in front of the professor. If there would have been a Mai Hoon Na's Satish Shah type professor who spits with each word pronounced, i would be right in the firing line. So i guess now my position (seating position) in class has been defined. Right next to me is this friend of mine, who is an ex merchant navy officer.
I am known to sleep in class. In fact am one of the prime contenders of the arbit section c awards that have been planned at the end of the term. Awards like arbit CP (will define different types of CP in another blog), sleeping award, RCP etc. So what i was saying is that i am a prime contender for the sleeping award. In fact pre mid term i was the strongest contender. In one of the courses, the prof used to stand right in front of me and talk to the guy behind me, and would just stare in her direction, with my eyes happiliy closed. In another class, the prof moves back and forth like in simple harmonic motion, and i just turn my chair (our chairs can be rotated), and face the direction of the board and go off to sleep. It does not matter if the prof is relatively behind me or if i am lookin in different direction than the prof. Lately i have mastered this new art of sleeping, where in i open my eyes every few seconds, and follow the prof's steps. The prof moves ahead, i turn my chair to face him, the prof moves back, i again turn my chair to face him. And all the time, i have this smile on my face, and my head nodding from time to time to give an impression that i am in bliss due to the profound understanding of the subject.
Ok. So what i was saying is that pre mid term i was the one who used to sleep, and my friend next to me, used to wake me up every now n then with a kick in the leg (now u see why the kick word strikes me :o)). It was like, when i used to be in those sleepy moments when all covertness and tricks of sleeping in class go down the drain, and ur head is just swinging back and forth, he used to kick me, and i used to wake up for a moment, try n listen n pay attention, and again fall back into the lap of the dear dear sleep goddess. It used to be a regular every class affair for almost a month.
Post mid term i have grown a bit serious, in the way that i try to listen in class. Its semi successful in the way that half of the classes i am awake, half of them i am not, but then still, i am improving.
But thn the point i was trying to make is that somehow my neighbour has contracted the disease of sleeping class from me. Its him now that i see with bloodshot eyes in the between the class, trying hard to not fall asleep. N then when those eyes close down, its my turn to do my duty....Kick in the leg :o)
it feels good. For multiple reasons. One, earlier it was a parasitic relation, wherein i was the beneficiary alone. BUt now its a symbiotic relation. U scratch my back i will scratch urs.
secondly and more importantly, its really really nice and funny to see others sleeping in class, and cherish the fact that someone like me is awake :o) . And especially the way people sleep. THere is this one guy who sleeps, n then suddenly wakes up, and eyes are totally clear, and looks at the board like he has been listening to the prof for the whole period. U should see the intensity of concentration in his eyes, for the few seconds when they are open before they close again. One of them puts a hand across his forehead, as if in deep thought. And has his head jerking now n then from sleep. There is another one, a tamil guy (looks a lot like rajnikant) who sleeps in a very professional way. He sits straight. Has his hand folded. Head straight. Eyes closed. Like someone in meditation or in attention posture :o) Then there is one guy who has the unique record of actually snoring in the class. No one can beat that. There are so many others.
The other day when i gave my neighbour a kick in the leg to wake him up, he opened his eyes, stared at me for 2 odd seconds, one those dangerous "WTF man, I am gonna kill u now" stares, and went back to sleep :o). The world is coming to an end. U do good and get no appreciation in return.
But then i am sure that till we have sleepless nights mugging for classes, quizzes (which we will have for as long as we are here), the Kick in the Leg phenom will stay alive :o)

why the cancer stick......

economics does strange things to man (ok someone would tell me i am being chauvinistic hence i will rephrase that as people). i was trying to read and understand (understanding is a very relative term in economics; it holds value only if the prof understands what u have marked and ur understanding matches that of his) oligopoly. last i had encountered this term was in history in 9th std, wherein it was mentioned how in the rennaisance period, there was wide spread oligopoly in europe. Then it was just another term. Ratta maaro, marks lao :o) Never in my wildest and scariest nightmares had i imagined that this same innocent looking term is goin to drive me to sleep in class and then give me sleepless nights in the room :o)
Hmmm...whatever. So where was I? Yes. So i was reading oligopoly in my room, and i was lying flat on my stomach. Another warning to most engineers who aspire for an MBA. Please DONOT read economics lying down. It will invariably lead to sleep, which in turn will lead to lack of preparation in class, which in turn will lead to OHT (over head transmission) in class, which in turn will lead to useless sleepless nights trying to understand fundae, which in turn will finally lead to screwed up exam (right from the mouth of the horse...hope i got the phrase right :o))
Ok. So the point i was trying to make was..I fell asleep. Not asleep actually. Semi asleep.
Now there is a huge difference between when i sleeping and when i am semi-sleeping. When i am sleeping, I am sleeping :o) But when i am semi-sleeping, i feel like i am doing something else. Like during exams when i am supposed to wake up and study, the alarm rings, and i switch it off. I then think, let me just lie down for 5 more minutes. I sleep for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, i semi-sleep ie i feel like i am actually revising what i read at night in my head, remembering formulae memorizing definitions, but acutally i am just lying down with drool flowing down my mouth (yes i drool a lot. Just one more fact which i am proud of. All my drool falls on my bed sheet because i dont use a pillow. And for the last 1.5 months in WIMWI, i havent changed my bed sheet. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehooooooooooooooooooooooooo. U have to be a guy to understand the pleasure of this. I am not being chauvinistic here (anybody listening :o) ), but only a guy can appreciate the sheer pleasure of smelling his bed sheet that hasnt been washed for months and which has the smell to kill a rat (a bit exagerrated :o)). the feeling that i am the proud possessor of this prized possession is just awesome).
ok coming back to the topic (i do digress a lot), i just defined semi-sleeping. So today oligopoly caused me to semi-sleep for 1 hour (oh yes u can semi-sleep for hours together, TRUST me on this one :o)), and all the while i was having a discussion with someone or with mysef as to why do i smoke. Tht i woke up and immediately lit another cigarrette is a totoally different issue. But the point i am trying to make is that i was involved in the very important and relevant discussion (another point, u can actually remember what u were doing or u thought u wer doing when u r semi-sleeping)
Ah..where was I? Yes. So even after semi-waking up (the oppsite of semi-sleeping), i thought, why do i smoke? I just tried to trace back the history of the cancer stick in my life.
It started with my friend Arnab tempting me to smoke, by offering me free cigs during exam time in first yr. Kamine ne khud to chhod diya, mujhe aadat laga gaya (but to get a friend like that i can smoke a thousand more cigs (that is eqvt ot 5*1000 = 5000 mins = 83 hours of smoking :o)). Ok. So that is how it started. Initially it was just one or two in a week. I didnt buy cigs myself. I just borrowed them from others or took a puff when i saw the beautiful red flame lighting the night sky at a distance :o). Then i felt that smoking helps u stay awake longer. Initially it does. Infact its still one of the reasons i sometimes use to justify to myself why i am smoking my way to the graveyard :o) (my target is 50 yrs. Beyond 50 its going to be difficult to stay alone :o). Would get somewat lonely. Maybe, maybe not. Lets see. As of now the target is 50). it did help for the initial yr or so. But then after that its mainly just a time for relaxation, a time for freeing ur mind and probably think intensely on something or some issue which is haunting u. How does smoke help in that?
I as a smoker can say that smoke helps unite ur body and soul with the almighty so that u become omnipotent :o) But then that would be stretching it too far. BUt then cigarettes do have nicotine which is a stimulant. It does stimulate u and relax u for sometime, and as all learned men say, a relaxed mind thinks better (at least i think that all learned men say that :o))
Its one of the escapes from severe internal conflicts, on decisions which would affect my whole life, decisions which might seem both reasonable and unreasonable at the same time. A cig does not help u take that decision. It just frees ur mind from the conflicts for those 5 precious moments :o)
So u see, each cig i smoke probably takes away 5 physical minutes of my life, but then in return i get 5 minutes of peace (almost :o)). And all learned men ( i hold all learned men of the past responsible for whatever i do :o)) have said, that mental peace is the most imp thing in life. So actually the cancer stick is my mode to attain nirvana
Hence proved that cig smoking is beneficial to mankind

I am so aware of the fact that all my arguments lack logic or scientific basis. I smoke just because i want to. I smoke coz i dont care that my lungs are goin to hell. I smoke coz i love to see the swirls of white fumes emanating from within me. I smoke just for the heck of it :o)

small gestures....lasting impacts

I always wonder why is it that so many a time small things or small gestures leave lasting impacts. Happened again just now. Had a totally ****** up day, but then one moment, one gesture changed that
Have noticed this phenomenon so many times. In a roadside restaurant, one need not give the child waiter a rupee as tip. A smile gives him much more happiness than that 1 Rs. (part of the reason being that 1 Rs. has hardly any value nowadays)
Why is it that such small things mean so much? I beleive it because of what we hold as important in our lives. Our beleives, our emotions, our experiences, our past, our dreams, all these define what we hold close to our heart.
Cant remember many instances per se when i felt as i did today, but then am sure that it has happened many times before.

Some thoughts

Titles for my blogs still elude me. For this blog, I will think of a title as and when I go ahead with the writing.
T-nite got over 2 days back. We came 2nd. But then what I feel was most important about the whole event was the bonding that happened between all of us in the section. Working till late nights, giving up sleep for one common purpose. I dont know. It might sound trivial. But it is not. Coz today when I went for one of my section mate's birthday, the turnout from the section spoke for itself. So many of us were there. And there were people who could not make it and intimated in advance too. So I can safely say that T-nite did serve its purpose, which I beleive is section bonding.
In T-nite, I participated in a drama (mentioned in my previous blog), wherein I was booed like never before in my life; in a dance, where again I was booed (its not about me :o)...its about what the audience want :o) ); practiced a dance which would have been appreciated but due to time constraints (every section gets a scheduled time in which they have to perform and leave the venue, failing which many points are deducted); and finally did a cameo Shashi Kapoor parody in the song Keh Doon Tumhe :o)
So it was fun.
Now when I look back at T-nite 2006, I realize that we all in the section, even after our tight study deliverables, our post-mid term mental imbalance, put in so much effort, it actually was a great relaxation. Not physically. Physically these 4 days were some of the most taxing days in my life, and more so for many others in our section. But then mentally, the idea of competing and giving in our best shot was something really great. The fun we had during the preparation has been captured by cameras and is safely stored away in my laptop (at the rate at which I am filling my laptop with photos, I am sure I will have to get 80+ GB extra soon :o) ). There are photos of people sleeping on the desks; people doing junglee dances; beautiful memories.
Now life is back to the same old routine. But then those 4 days has given me not only some really beautiful memories to look back at, but also helped me realize my current limit of stretching. Praticing plays and dances for 9-10 hours a day, getting booed off stage in 5 minutes, coming back and practicing again, smokin, and then again studing economics. I have redefined my limits.
But then that is what this place teaches u. That is one of the biggest take aways from this college. Its not that u know ur limits. Its that u define ur own limits.

t-nite till now

as i have already mentioned in quite a few of my previous blogs we are having the yearly inter section first year's competetion here
today (ie till today night considering the day has already started at 5:50 in the morning, even though i have slept just 2 hrs in the last 48 hrs) is the last day
till now it has been a mixed bag of joy, ecstasy, disappointment, intimidation, etc etc
over the past 3 days, i have danced as a girl. A girl from my section acted as the guy in the song. Work was appreciated in section though. Then yesterday, practiced a lot for a song, but due to strict time restrictions, and ours being the last song, we could not perform. But then the preparation part and the other activities during the day, including hanging (a bit exagerrated use of the english language :o) ) off the mess ceiling to put up posters, dressing up like a tapori, getting my face painted with section name etc.
today i was part of something called one act play. I think that we had a decent play in our hands. I was one of the actors, along with 4 others, and we were supposed to lip sync with the voice overs. We had had just 2 hours of prep (including looking at the script for the first time). So at the end of two hours, the actors werent thorough with the scripts. But we could recognize our dialogues from the voices of our voice overs.
When we went to perform in the audi, the audience booed us so badly that we couldnt even hear which of the voice overs was speaking. Result ....... chaos.
I, and the other actors, felt like leaving the state (the stage is actually the floor itself) and disappearing into our section crowd, but we held on, and did not leave till we had finished the last scene ( we could make out at least the last scene, coz there were no dialogues in that :o) )
We were disappointed, but then found a bit of consolance in the fact that the other sections could not even complete their plays. I am happy that I didnot show my back to the enemy (not calling the audience my enemy, but just writing figuratively)
Then for the fashion show, removed my shirt (please dont misunderstand me. I dont have a fab body. In fact I have an ever increasing ponch :o)), got my chest painted, and walked the ramp. Was supposed to walk alone. Reached the ramp also alone. But then suddenly this girl from our section is beside me. N she is walking so fast. I had mental calculations of my walking pace, the halt in front of the audience, the pace n path of returning etc. All was screwed up by the mismatch in her calculations. But then I pulled off a decent performance, considering the fact that this is the first time I have ever done anything related to fashion or fashion shows.
Came back. Was mugging economics. Mugged a bit (coming back n starting mugging part began at 3. Used up half n hour before that in washing off my body paint). N now, am on my way to the bed, to wake up in 2 hours.
Oh. After fashion show, all the guys in our section were getting pictures with the girls (the girls were looking pretty good :o)), with hands on shoulders etc. I didnt do that. Not that I am averse to the idea of getting photos taken with friends. We are all friends isnt it? Just that the fact that they are girls and a picture with a beautiful girl would get me the admiration of my friends back in blore or I would become the topic of discussion of my friends in blore, this funda does not appeal to me
Also, I am not very comfortable getting physically very close to people i am not emotionally close to. Be it girls or guys. I respect my personal space (though in India there is hardly any concept of personal space) and am comfortable with only a very select few indivs being in it
Its light outside. Have to reach for today's preparation in 2 hours. Lets hope I can wake up.

grrrrr..........

First of all, I am going to write in a more formal way (most of the times) in my blog from now on. I have seen many blogs and it seems the norm is formal writing
the hell i care bout what the damn norm is................... :o)
for formal writing i can create another blog.....this blog is for my reading when i am smoking away to my death after 25-30 odd years..........so why the hell should i care bout what it looks like as per "norms"
hmmmm.....talking of death......it would be real strange to die alone.....today i am in kinda philosophical mood....actually was in a more philosophical mood about 2 hrs back.....but then Internet explorer took all the philosophy out of my life....2 hrs of wrestling with it.....still it wont let me see my own blog
can u beleive it....my blog.....my laptop.......n some ******* up browser determines if i can see my blog or not
ok.......that was a bit too melodramatic.......have been accused of melodrama once or twice before....by the same person though :o)
neway.........it wasnt bout IE ... even dear dear Firefox has refused to oblige me...so i guess i will keep writing blogs....n would be able to read them only when i am 50 :o)
he he
neway.........coming back to philosophy........let me first try n think of why am i in a philosophical mood today......exactly for the reason i referred to a few lines back....the idea of dying alone did not really appeal to me
but then i beleive philosophy is something u discuss or write bout when there are more than one people around....like in a conversation........or maybe even alone....but not really after waiting for 2 hrs to put ur thoughts on the net
thanks to IE n Firefox....my philosophy has gone to the dogs right now :o)
okay coming back to normal life.......today mid term exams got over......3 days.....6 exams (sounds like some mega event na...... :o) )
actually these were the first non surprise exams we had here....the other quizzes etc are surprise.......the only surprise element being which subject......otherwise usually everyday we have a "surprise" quiz :o)
haan to mid terms got over...dont want to write bout them......rather would like to follow few of the resolutions i made before n during mid terms........so if i can implement them....then i write more on this :o)...nahi to......nahi to kya....my blog...my thoughts...i dont have to give no justification to no one :o)
haan....today had one paper......its one of the subjects people here call FART courses.......let us try n find the origin of this terminology FART course
the name comes from the fact that here ur farting capability is examined.....not literally...(if that were the case...then we would have a Gas tragedy here...considering the gastric conditions of most of the students here due to late nights n rich mess food ) but figuratively
to be more euphemistic....it judges ur global gyan :o)
so more gyan u can give.......the better off u r in such courses....at least that is what i have been made to beleive...if my exam course tells me otherwise i would surely let everyone know :o)
just now started chatting with one of my friends.....so now the ideas coming in might seem a bit disconnected
neway......ok......so what i am saying is how can someone decide bout some very pertinant matters of his/her life so early in life........ n see the validity n reliability (again FART terms :o) ) of that decision so clearly.........that is he/she cant think of changing it :o)
in the chat i just mentioned.....i used the term "muggo"....my friend asked what does it mean....using words so casually for even a month can make them such n integral part of ur vocab
had taken a long long break...had gone for the preps of t-nite.....am dancing......cant write till tomoro as what....since other sections might be spying my very "popular" blog site :o)
came back just now....its close to 4 in the morning......have to ..... rather intend wake up by 6 tomoro......have to message someone :o)
n yes.......one should never be curious.....its kills sleep....anyone listening....i am losing sleep...so u should tell me now :oX
signing off now