Prayers

I hardly pray.
When I was in college, before every exam I used to pray. I used to say "God, be with me, help me succeed in my endeavours so that I can live up to the standards I have set for myself" and some other crap. I still judge (or rather try to judge) myself on the standards I have set for myself.
Anyway, early in 4th yr, I lost faith. I thought I had become an aetheist. But then gradually, that changed to a point now wherein I acknowledge the presence of someone up there. But also the fact that if something is to be done with my life, I have to do it. "HE" (god is always referred to as male, another thing i would write about in a while) wouldnt have nething to do with it. He may, but I wouldnt call upon HIM to help me out. I have to help myself out.
Even now, sometimes I do call upon HIM for myself, but very rarely. The prayer hasnt really changed. Its more or less the same, wherein I want to be successful by the standards I have set for myself.
Coming to the point of God being called "HE", why not "SHE". Few of the strongest people I have met in my life of 24 yrs n 8 months and probably 24 days now, have been women. And not extraordinary in the sense that everyone knows them or they are idols or something. Its just the simple indian woman. My Ma, who has always been strong throughout her life, raising me and babi in places like Delhi, Andhra and Assam; a friend who changed my perspective a lot on many issues and I would always be thankful to her for that, and now, the person whom I love.
She has displayed amazing strength in such adverse conditions, and is still standing strong. And apart from all this, she has to put up with someone like me, which in itself is strength. But jokes apart, I have always beleived love inherently has respect imbibed in it, and I respect her immensely. I can only dream of being as strong as her.

Now coming back to the issue of praying, there are these times when I still sometimes feel like praying. When I go to temples (when I am taken to temples), I pray for my family, which isnt going through very good times right now. Not financially, but in some other sense. And today I have found another reason to pray.

So god, if u r there somewhere, listening, then listen to me, listen to my prayers. When I pray for the people I love, I am praying for myself, so I am being selfish.
But god listen to me, please...