Sunday, September 30, 2007

3 days of Life

He lay down on the bed. He wasnt feeling sleepy, inspite of the fact that it had been a tiresome day. But he just wasnt feeling sleepy.
"You know sometimes when you are really tired but then u still dont fall asleep...."
He twisted and turned on his bed. He didnt like not being able to fall asleep.
"Promise me..."
He closed his eyes shut tightly, remembered what a yoga teacher had told him once...empty your mind, and look at yourself as if you are another person, and then feel the person looking at you that is you urself, is rising high, to the ceiling of your room, to the roof of your house, to the top of the building, to up into the sky, to next to the stars...RELAX...n feel yourself falling asleep".
"I wont lose interest..."
He turned again. The relax method wasnt working. Then he tried flooding his mind with other thoughts. Plans, rather, of what he would do tomorrow. Read frontline, call on friends, try n reduce smoking...
"I am falling..."
He opened his eyes. It had been half and hour since he lay down on bed. 3 hours back, he was feeling like sleeping like a log, but now, sleep just wouldnt oblige.
"I dont want to let you go..."

He got up. Walked up to this laptop. Orkut was something he was always logged into. So he started browsing profiles, all the while avoiding the "Search" tab. Willingly and unwillingly, he used that tab everyday, going to the same profile, and then coming back without entering it.
He held himself back this time. After some directionless profile browsing, he cursed himself for not stocking cigarettes.
"I will miss you..."
He shook his head. Trying to force out these images, these voices. He said out loud "aaaaaaaaa...come on...think something else". It seemed to work. He was thinking of the work lying ahead in the coming week. There was a lot to do. He was trying to get all the work he could get his hands on. Try n keep myself busy, was what he said to anyone who would ask.
"Can I hold your hand?"

He smiled. Went back to bed. He knew he wont fall asleep. But then insomnia was now something he had started to live with.

The 3 days of life, the 3 happiest days, would keep coming back. And deep down inside, he didnt want to let them go...those 3 days...

P.S: This is a short story, and has not resemblance to anyone dead or alive :o)


Saturday, September 29, 2007

AEP: Threat to Indian Culture

F****g hypocrites we are. Once in a while there are initiatives like Adolescence Education Program, which aims to just provide knowledge to adolescents about themselves, about stuff which they might find difficult to ask at home, stuff they need to know.
And what happens. Governments of 8 (or maybe more) states ban the program (education is under the state govt.) calling it "Sex Education" and one chief minister even goes on to say that rather than this, we shld teach our children about our culture, yoga etc.

What culture are we so proud of yaar? Wat is our culture? If we say Sex is not part of our culture, then first of all go and destroy the Temples of Khajuraho. Kamasutra was written in India. And try explaining the dozens of sons the kings had. I am sure they didnt have Test Tube baby technology back then.
What other stuff? Yoga. Yes. This is something good. But other than the government making a hue n cry about teaching it, how many of them actually implement it.

Culture they say is respect women. F**k man. We are living in a country where in the capital its unsafe for women to venture out alone after sun down. We are living in a country where to punish a family, the womenfolk are paraded naked. This is our RESPECT to women.

Culture is respect to GOD. Now i dont want to view my views on this. But in the name of god, we witness riots, we witness casteism coz one caste is more favourite of the gods.

at 4 in the morning, i cant really think of what else to include in this post. But thn now i understand something. have a friend in the development sector. she told me that working in the sector sometimes can leave u really depressed. now i know why.
u know the system is rotting. u take a broom and get down into the crap to clean it. once clean, the benefit would accrue to the whole society. there wont be anyone who is hurt.
but u wont be allowed to do it. u wont be allowed to help others with ur own sweat n hardwork.


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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bataas ki Mama se Mutbhed :o)

In Assam, we call the police Mama (something like Munna bhai ka Mamu :D)
Today, took Zhavada's (dorm name for a faccha) bike to Riverside School (different post different day). On the way back, there was this place called Dilli Darwaza where there was a lot of rush. Ahmedabad traffic anyway is one of the most unruly ones. There are junctions with only a yellow light blinking and vehicles coming from all directions. The only way is slow down as u approach the junction, see if the other vehicles from other directions have slowed down, if yes, u move on, else, let them move on, else be a hero and then let fate decide :D
Neway, at Dilli Darwaza, we (me n Jhaad) rode, another f****r biker came from the side out of nowhere, I had to brake. Mama saw us, pulled us aside. Zhavada's bike is Maharashtra registered (somehow Maharashtra does not click with me, though many of my good friends are ghatis). Asked for license, some docs etc. Finally gave me a slip coz I didnt have a helmet :o)
All this time I have been driving (hasnt been long actually :D) have never been caught by police for anything, n today, finally Bataas met Mama.
In hindsight, was a "new" experience though.
Today has been a day of new experiences. But would put them across one by one in different posts. Shayad isi bahane readership thodi badh jaye :D

Arbit addition: Waiting for 13th October, would be 3 months :o) I am incorrigible (learnt this word from Gaji...I mean Gazi, Safiul that is :o) ) But that is the way i am.

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Monday, September 24, 2007

Writer's Block

So I am not the only one afflicted by this issue :o)
Today in our communications class, the prof said its a very general phenomenon. Now what exactly is Writer's block. Its when one has a big time problem starting off writing. Once one starts, then the rest of it (read fart :o)) starts flowing automatically :D
Now Qwicky told me today, u dont have a writer's block. I asked Why do u say so? He said, because of ur blogs.
Now my blogs are more of a conversation arent they? U people decide :D
But then writing reports or papers or bloody WAC assignments is totally different. That is where the Writer in me gets blocked :D

Are u in the same league as me?

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Memory Remains...

Shouldnt have watched "When Harry Met Sally" today :o)
He he...woh kahawat hai na...mulle ki daud masjid ki aur :o)
Neway, thought of watching flags of our fathers. Then decided against it. Thought wud watch a feel good movie. Watched Harry Met Sally. Was a nice romantic movie. I told u guys before right. Have started watching feel good romantic movies again :o) Earlier used to watch just action flicks.

Ended up being sulky whole evening, smoking over 15 cigs n then finally 3 hours of badminton cured me :o) Oh missed gymn also n hogged like a dog. But then kal vrat par chala jaunga :o)

Gotto sign off. Should be writing this stuff. Or even the night is gonna get screwed :o)
Good night amigos n senoritas

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Friday, September 14, 2007

Going going gone

Ah...the King of the Jungle is here. Warren Buffet, its time for u to retire. Bataas has finally entered the infamous yet scintillating world of shares ....muwahahahahahahaha

Bought my first shares today. If u want to know which ones, please send across 10 dollars (or the equivalent in Indian rupees, but the exchange rate would be the one prevailing 5 yrs back :D) to my account first. Coz telling u which shares I am investing in would be equivalent to giving u stock advice :D And nothing comes for free my friend.

Now this would put u in another dilemma, the question of information asymmetry. How would u know that the advice I am giving is true :D Also it might be a case of lemon's problem. Wherein I am hooked up with some f****d up shares, and I want to dispose them, so I give u the advice, and then u come to the market, and I am waiting there for u to sell them to u since I am the only seller :D (I can explain why if u call me, but beware, never question the logic of how this would operate in a free market, any doubts u have would have to be taken to ur grave coz no one questions me :D muwahahahahaha)

But its fun. I bought the shares between 3 and 3:30 PM, when the market closes. And the prices began to fall a bit. So I decreased my bid, and kept waiting for the prices to fall further. Then they didnt, i increased, they fell, i decreased. Finally bid n offer met for me at 5 paise above the lowest offer price of the day. Fair enough for first day :D

Now I understand wat fun gambling must have. I am already planning to getting more funds to invest over the next few days. But would stop after my next set of investments. Coz right now, am investing in companies which most people would not invest. But then didnt I say, u can see similarities between me n warren buffet, but then, he still has to work hard to reach my level :D

Adios amigos n senoritas

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

What is wrong...

with accepting the fact what someone might be in love with u while u just want to be friends?
In the end, since friendship is both sided, n love is one sided, both the people would still be friends only na?
Something I havent understood till now. And surely am giving up trying :o)

Had visited a psychologist a few days back. Always wanted to do that. I find psychology very interesting, and am not boasting, but am kinda good at it myself too. Was the agony uncle for many of my friends in college, and i beleive i gave some really good advice. However, about the visit, I was disappointd. Found her very similar to a consultant :D
When I was in IMS, one English Faculty (from IIMB) told us "A consultant is a person who would take ur watch and tell u the time". Draw the corresponding analogy here too.

But then for me, right now, I am just letting things be :o)
Acknowledging my feelings, not trying to change them, recognizing the constants in life, n keeping myself busy. And planning a trip to some place alone. Have to try n be happy with myself. Everytime i go home, i get irritated at having nothing to do. So will now make conscious efforts to be happy with myself. And its going to be necessary also. Jab dost logo ki shaadi ho jayegi tab aur kisko ghinaunga :D
Waise we have a league of extraordinary gentlemen. Hopefully that league would be there to give the members company :o)
Currently there are 3 members i know, myself, Upam and Deka. But with life, u never know, when Upam n Deka give me the slip :D
Lekin mai yeh league akela hone se bhi chalaunga :D

Right now, working on a paper on CSR. Have to finish it by tomoro. Sutta maaro, movie dekho, kaam karo, busy rehne ki koshish karo, remember the good times, remember nimokh tel bhaat with nemu tenga, enjoy tomotoes in the mess...
Good life :o)

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Today is Sept da 13th...

3 months from Friday the 13th July 2007 :o)
Feeling Nostalgic :o)
And Smiling :o)

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Monday, September 10, 2007


of emails. Not actual signatures. Now many of u might know i am a dabbler in handwriting analysis, but then dont worry wont bore u with that.

I have been thinking...should put a joke for my signature. Acha rahega nahi. When people are done reading my mail, then they would at least laugh at the joke :D
But the problem remains, all the jokes i know are non veg ones :o) Actually used to know many good (n bad) jokes, but forgot most. Now to just remember Jeevan ke kuch satya which are again not very decent :o) NIT Guys would know what i mean :D

So not putting the joke also in signature. Also, many a times u dont want to sign off in a mail. Coz the way u want to sign off, may not be appropriate under given circumstances. Like if i am writing a mail to my boss in my previous company, i would like to end saying...Hope u rot in hell arsehole and the devil mates with ur wife regularly in front of u, but then i wont be able to do that right...its not appropriate :D
Also, on a more serious note, the ending signature in a mail is supposed to show one's emotions. That again is a problem many a time.

So i have decided to drop signatures from some specific mails. Now if u get a mail from me without a signature, u have a puzzle to solve. Is there a hidden meaning behind the absence of it, or is it just that i didnt sign it off :D

Adios (See here i am signing off :D)

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Sunday, September 09, 2007

Kandy, Laina, Murthy, Upam...

I love u guys.
Now, no one (including these 3 people) please raise ur eyebrows. Its just that when u r going thru a bad phase, n u get mails, many a time unsolicited from friends, offering not to help, just telling u that they are there with u, as friends, its something else.
And in my case, with the strange n absurd kind of person i am, it also helps coming to terms, which i guess the morning mails today helped me do to a large extent already.
Get up in the morning, open ur mailbox (still havent brushed my teeth or crapped u see :o)) n see beautiful mails from friends...this is heaven :o)

N these are also times, when there is some small bit of introspection happening. As to why the fuck do i have to be such an assholic introvert? Hmmm....will have to work on that.

Also, since this might sound like one of those thank u speeches of oscars, might as well take this opportunity to thank upam. Saale... thanks. That chat was really really helpful man :o)

Ah, now i have to clarify something here. Kandy, Murthy, Upam, I know u guys are straight, but bout my loving u part, please dont get any ideas yaar :D U see, I am scared of gays. Had one pretty bad experience in school. College to was a mally dhoti clad gay region :D
N in pune, one night after drinking, one of my friends (wont take names), in his dreams, thought he was with a girl n got hold of me instead. If only he had slept facing the other direction, he would have found Sohum n probably more "happiness" :D
Neway, I woke up Deka, who was also drunk, and then made him shift a bit, make some place for me, n slept (have never had doubts about deka's or dadda's sexual orientations :D)
So guys, please dont get any ideas :D

But then this blog post, was a thank u note to u four people.
Thanks dosto. Thanks a lot.
Love u all (like they say in the oscars :D)

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Saturday, September 08, 2007

Coming to terms...

That is my new orkut profile name :o)

What am I coming to terms with? Life :o) As my previous posts would indicate, a lot has changed in life. And I was told that rather than trying to get over stuff, try and live through it, without trying to really "get over it". Hmmmm...sounded pretty strange to me.

The other day, Kandy mailed. Was great to get his mail. And he said, like he always does, time would change things. Guess he is right. Though it wont change everything.

Neway, right now, I resolve to come to terms with life as it is, and as I want it to be. And it shall be.
Full Stop :o)

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I used to love “studying” the time table. It was a favourite past time. Me and Titto used to spend over an hour sometimes making plans of what subjects to take n wat not to take, which subject would be load free, etc etc.

Last term, before bidding, the time table was something very imp for me since I had to select subjects which fell only in the first half of the week. Got them.

Then when I was going home this time, it was a Thursday. Had plans of studying the time table and planning stuff for the 5th term. It was in the front pocket of my bag.

Remained there. Never opened it.

Now I don’t enjoy studying the time table any more.

Chalo koi nahi. There are many things that have changed.

I don’t enjoy watching the television anymore. I don’t like making plans for the future, coz they invariably fail. My choice of movies has also changed to some extent from pure action to non action also. Have made some very arbit n crazy decisions, but I will stick to them. Coz determination on some fronts has increased :o)

So the wheel of time moves on. I move along. And we move together on the path of life (me and time re…wat else :o))

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Friday the 13th

They say its a very bad day. Jason kills innocent teenagers on Friday the 13th.
This july 13th was a friday. But is was a beautiful day. And will always remain so.


Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Of Constants and Variables

One's life has constants and variables.
As the name suggests, constants dont change (just like in Physics n Chemistry etc etc).
Ur parents, ur relatives are constants.

Then there are variables. Acquaintances, infatuations, crushes etc etc.

Many a time variables becomes constants. Such constants include friends, love etc.

Now constants, almost always, u love them a lot. Be it ur parents, or generally ur relatives.
Ur friends, that special someone.

But then there are times when constants change. Which is against the universal law, which here is ur conscience, ur expectations, ur dreams, ur feelings.
The change may be from one constant to another, or from a constant to a variable.

N its not easy to variabalize a constant. Or change the categories of constants. Its a very painful process.
But then like i said in my previous post, u come to certain crossroads in ur life when u have to make a choice, both the options would finally mean that ur happiness n feelings are fucked.
N when the choice involves variabalization of a constant, then u r anyway fucked to the maxim (was deka's profile name for sometime on orkut)

But then after trying continuously, very hard, every possible way, i guess one (i at least) have come to the conclusion that i cant really change certain constants and the emotions involved. But then accepting this also involves living with some bitter truths in life, which u want to neglect at all possible costs, but then its a truth, that stares u right at the face, so u cant ignore it.

I choose to let constants be constants, n live with the bitter truth. That might mean many things, many actions, many changes, except for one thing, which is the constant. N i guess that would remain constant.