So it ends...

2 yrs. IIM Ahmedabad.
Just had my last drinking session...dont worry, am not high. In fact drank slowly, lesser and so am not at all high. Though i do have a headache due to not sleeping when I was feeling damn sleepy.

How were my 2 yrs here? Amazing.
Wat made it amazing? The people.

Was so damn lucky to have friends like Bhaskar, Randolf, Titto, Nidhi, Nisha...
Today while drinking (me, Randolf n Nidhi), was thinking, wat is it that made it click between us?

Was it the fact that all of us are in the league of extraordinary gentlemen? Well, then Titto, Nidhi n Nisha would have been out
No it wasnt that. It was something else. It was the fact that we had similar backgrounds and similar outlooks towards life.
Does it mean that people with different outlooks cant click? No.
But in a place like WIMWI, where even though u have so many people, there is little time to bond, similarities do help.

I feel proud to have friends like these. These are genuine people. Bhaskar or Titto or Randolf or any of the others, I beleive we havent really faked emotions amongst ourselves. Kisi ki g***d mein aag lagi hai to chehre par dikhta hai...dikhna bhi chahiye...

Another piece of bonding (for the guys in the gang) was the kind of girls we found attractive. Now attractiveness is of two types. One is qualitative, another is the "other" type :P
And we have a very similar attractiveness criteria for the other sex. Another point that shows similarities :D

I can chalk out numerous other reasons of why we all clicked.
I can chalk out so many things that I will miss about this place.
I can chalk out a hundred things that I wont be able to do once student life ends (I have no intentions of studying further)
I can chalk out a hundred things I can chalk out further

But the point is...today, on 1st of april, on april fool's day, my journey in this wonderful place with these wonderful people ends...
Its not that I wont be meeting these people again, or that i wont be coming to this place again...
But this phase of life as a student in the most coveted business school in the country is ending now...

Am I senti yet...I dunno...maybe...maybe not
I will know over the day...so let me wait...

Cold

Am i a cold person? Am i a VERY cold person?
I dunno, but I guess at most times for most people I do come across as that.

Inside, I am sea of emotions. If I like someone, I would ignore that person's shortcomings and support that person come wat may. If I dislike a person, its very difficult for me to be objective bout that person. I have come a long way in being non judgemental but being objective is something I still have to work on.

But somehow, I feel "indifferent" to many supposingly "moving" situations, moments. I get my degree, everyone around is so so happy, I am also smiling n all, but then I dont feel the "joy" which the others seem to be feeling.
My friends leave the insti, they and the others seem so senti, but I dont feel...anything. I am being blunt, but right now I am not feeling anything.

An e-friend talks bout all kinds of life problems, and I cant even place them in my mind for a minute. A friend tells me another friend had a near death experience, and the incident registers in my mind for moment n then leaves. Its just not there anymore.

But I am also the same person, who would take pains of "making" cards for people he wants to gift a smile on their bdays. I am also the same person, who no matter how aloof he seems, would take some very very very hard decisions, seemingly unnecessary, n very painful, for the happiness of those people whom he loves the most.

Who am I? Dont worry, if u know me, u dont have to worry of how u would find me when me meet me on two different occasions. I would be quite similar on both, smiling, jovial etc. But wat lies beneath...
During one of our courses called ERI ie Explorations in Roles n Identity, one facilitator said, we should not wear any masks in our life because there comes a point, when the mask becomes us n we the masks, and one cant differentiate between the two...
Have i reached such a point...is it good or is it bad or is it just wat was meant to be...I dont know..

Adventure ride...

Was a ten day vacation i was on. But am not really going to go into details. Why? I myself find travelogues very boring. Kisi aur ne apne vacation mein kya kiya, mai kya karu padh ke :o)

So this post is about one of those many days. This day, we spent only travelling. But it wasnt any usual travel. It was travel during Holi. It was travel in Uttaranchal n UP during Holi.

So we decided we will leave Rishikesh for Amritsar via Delhi on 22nd. Theek hai. As always, the morning schedule was pushed by an hour. I went for breakfast to a near by dhaba, n things seems peaceful.

Hum nikle phir. Went to the bus stop in Vikram. No. I didnt use wrong grammar. We went IN vikram. Vikram is a large shared bhatbhati ie auto. Beech mein kisi badtameez ladke ne paani maara tha auto mein...lekin nahi laga...kaise lagta...kisi ki majaal ki anurag dutta par bina unki ijazat ke rang daale

So we reached the bus stop. One bus was moving and shouting Dilli dilli...
Titto said, we are lucky. So we sat. Soon 3-4 more people came. Apne saath vikram mein ek cute firang bhi thi, who also wanted to go to dilli. Humne socha...ab dilli door nahi :o)

Do kanyaye aayi. The most horrendous sense of dressing. Aur bhasha bhi JAT types.

Neway, the driver wsnt moving. So we asked, chalo bhaiya. Sahabji said, wont move till we get 20 passengers. We reasoned with him, offering him to buy two tickets each...saala JAT dimaag...kept saying some crap.
Next we started playing the role of getting passengers to the bus. Asked a few people here n there, convinced a few sadhus to take that bus upto haridwar, stopped a passenger from leaving the bus terminal n going
lekin saala jat dimaag driver came up with all crappy reasons to not go.

Then we asked a nearby taxi. The two horrendously dressed females also came along. We got a taxi. Then suddenly one of us (not me) thought we will take a vikram. Would be cheaper. We moved towards a vikram. Suddenly the whole taxi union was there. They chased the vikram away. On our way back to the original taxi, a private vehicle turned up which offered a ride cheaper. We put our luggage there. N then it happened. SPLASH. kisi harami bacche ne upar se vaar kiya. As the others were getting inside, SPLASH again. Doosra vaar. Teesra vaar.

Now suddenly taxi union leader comes again n takes keys of the private vehicle owner. He tells us, he will get us another taxi, but we cant take this one. So he gets us another one. A smiling, drenched driver of an ambassabor.
As we shifted our luggage, we were assaulted by holi colours again n again, always from the top. Finally we managed to move to the new vehicle. Me n bubba were in the front. Titto, coke n the two girls at the back. Now, first taxi (initially jisse baat huyi) returns n blocks our vhicle and shouts, mai nahi jaane doonga, madar c**d, mai nahi jaane doonga
He is pacified (maybe) and we take patli gali

We are happy and releived. But should we be? Of course not. Abhi to roller coaster ride baaki thi.
Our dear taxi driver was happily drunk, very drunk.
When did we know this? While driving, we suddenly turns to me, and says, Aap log student hai, jawaan hai, zindagi mein kisi se darne ka nahi..
He gives us his undivided attention as he says this, of course he means it. But then isnt he supposed to be lookin at the road n driving? But how could he do that, he has to give us the gyaan.

Car swerves. We say, bhaiya aage dekho. He says, ghabrieye mat, mai 27 saal se chala raha hoon gaadi.
Now n then, temple comes, he closes eyes n bows n prays. But car shouldnt stop. The show must go on. Now n then, he lights a beedi, using both hands to light it, looking down at the flame. But car should not stop. Show must go on.
Next piece of gyaan.
Aap padhe likhe log hai, lekin mai anpadh, lekin jab kabhi ladaii hoti hai, anpadh hi jeet ta, kyunki hum pet phaad ke maans nikaal lete hai , ha ha ha ha
Car swerves some more.
Another piece of insight into driver's life...hum bhagwaan ko nahi maante, bas mata pita ki pooja karte hai....later in the ride there is a Shiv ki moorti...he bows n says out aloud...shiv ji hamare pita hai...we come to bridge over ganga...he folds hands and says...ganga hamari mata hai...

In between, the girls behind are having some conversation saying, woh baaki sabhi taxi wale to poore piye huye the
Our man says, ismein kya hai, mai bhi piya hua hoon and he pulls out a 3/4th empty country liquor bottle from near the accelerator, and says, subah se pi raha hoon, ha ha ha ha. And suddenly says, ab mujhe nasha aa raha hai...as he says this, car swerves and hits a cycle...pata nahi cycle ka kya hua
The way he was driving, bubba shouted, bhaiya dheere chalao, and he suddenly reduced speed to 20, only to go back to around 80 in no time. mere to gote mooh mein aa gaye the.

After some more time of g**nd phat ride, we reached haridwar. Took a bus. Another highly uncomfortable ride, but chalta hai. I am totally fine with discomfort. koi khaas farak nahi padta.

From delhi, train to amritsar n the trip went on.
But that morning was a TOTAAAAL adventure (in hindsight of course :o))

New Blog

Thought I will make a new blog for my short stories :o)
Coz have plans of writing a few. A few of them now. A few of them later. A few from the past. A few from the present. And definitely a few in the future :o)

The new blog is : http://mittikerang.blogspot.com/

The name is Mitti ke rang. Do u remember the serial mitti ke rang? I loved it. And why i named my blog this?
Because this serial was also of short stories, it was one of my favs, n somehow like this serial, my stories also come out pretty sad :D

Right now, only 2 of my old stories are there. Will be writing a couple more over the next couple of days.
How do i know? Coz my stories are reflections of what I see, feel, observe in my life. So have observed, felt 2 stories during my vacation (will write bout it soon), n so will jot it down :o)

As of now, this post is an invitation to all to visit my new blog site :D

another drunk post...

dont worry people...this is gonna end soon...is it (my blog my rulz disclaimers :D)

u know why...coz school (read b school) is gonna end soon...am i senti...i dunno
should i be...i get senti for a number of reasons...i donot get senti for many seemingly senti reasons

friends close to me leave college...i dont get senti
i sit on my system...i visit that one orkut profle....i get senti
someone tells me...u willl get a beautiful girl as a girlfriend....its make no difference...why...beauty is not what makes a difference....that person has to be as strong as the two previous ladies in my life...both of whom were epitomes of strenght....she has to be as engaging in conversation as those two ladies...she has to be as interesting as those two ladies...she has to be as effervescent yet them...yet as ....kya word hai yaar...pata nahi...opposite of effervescent....as them

one of my good friends asked me...why havent u been able to get over ur past...why do u still say u r TRYIN to get over it
its because of benchmarking...
that...I guess...is not the right word...but the fact remains the women in my life have been so strong...so independent...so different...that i havent been able to find equivalents
n when i say...time holds not heals...it...to a large extent means...to get in terms with ur past...u look for equivalents...if not betterments...
n beleive me....I dont know if i was lucky or was it something i deserved...but i HAVE NOT been able to find equivalents....

yaar sach bol raha hoon....such strong women....how...
sometimes i think....me n them...kaise....they showed me what women are....they taught me to respect women for their strength....they showed me women are no worse if not better than men....they made me see the other side of the society....they showed me what India is....both of them...one thru a book...one thru her work...they sensitized me about india....

i can go on n on...i dont want to
when someone tells me...anurag...u will get a great girl in ur life....2 things...wat does "get" a great girl mean....n second....would that person match up to what i have lost....or rather what i have experienced....
havent found anyone matching up to that yet...
n that is where the problem lies :o)....there is always a comparison involved...when u r dying of heartburn (that is the word they use isnt it)...u r dying of potential lung cancer due to cigarettes u smoke...u r lying of liver damage because of the volumes of rum u consume...

i know its time i ended this post...its running pretty long...but i dont want to....its coz i am writing something i am grappling with....i cant sleep at nights...i think of 13th of july 2007...friday the 13th...scary day...such a beautiful day...i think of my last few days in blore....n i cant sleep...i just shut my eyes...n wait...rather hope...sleep plz oblige me
saala woh gaandu jisko bhagwaan bulate hai woh bhi help nahi karta
i am not an aetheist...but i am not a beleiver too...i dunno what i am...right now i am just drunk

kya mazak hai yaar....i am listening to songs now...they are blaring on my ears....its a circle...people call me n i "choose" to respond or not...i mail that one person...who always chooses not to respond...why...because of a difference in opinion on how it should end...
i dunot understand her point of view...she does not beleive my stand...what is the end result...those extra cigs which reduce the life span by those extra mins...those extra pegs which reduce the sensitiveness that much

friends say...saala dont treat ur body as a machine...ghanta bhan chod....i live in the company of such talented women....but no one...matches...them....no one....its not a comparison in any way...its just that....wat i value most...is not there....so will i find it...i dunno
they are one of a kind....n i guess me being the arsehole i am...am one of a kind...so would a match exist...i dunno...very difficult....so not hoping...not thinking...just getting numb....ma ka bhos**a

ghanta saala....band karo...i dont even know why i started writing this post....band kar chutiye...band kar

anjuli wala tag...

poocha gaya tha...ki write 7 random things bout urself

this is difficult...random ka kya matlab hai...

1. i am an ice cream rakshas. I have gone to a buffet dinner and finally the waiter had to come and tell me, sir, please, no more ice cream...or my manager will kill me

2. i cannot read...now dont take it literally...i am literate...its that I am a VERY bad reader. I have tried SO many times to get into the reading habit...but havent succeeded YET...maybe once i start living alone during my job, maybe then

3. i am good at judging emotions, but the point is not my own most of the times...in terms of my own emotions, i am kinda confused

4. i dont like college fests. why....i havent given it much thought. but i just dont like them.

5. kids...i am fine with them till they are looking chubby, smiling n all. but then moment they start being a nuisance, i want to take them to a khopcha...n de dana dan de dana dan

6. i can be really romantic, but, I THINK, in very subtle ways. like making a card on someone's bday...writing a letter as compared to an e-mail...i find it romantic :o) going forward, i might think of more things....but first have to find a reason to be romantic again :D

7. i am bad at keeping in touch...i would think of people, i would know i should stay in touch, but i am bad at doing it....need to improve


ufff....bahut sochna pada :o(

and as always, I DONOT pass along the tag :o)

i am drunk...

n still i am posting....coz what i thought was...this is the right time to post
does it make sense...doesnt make sense to me....but i am still doing it ...so if it does not make sense to u...u can go f**k urself...n then try to make sense out of it...its my blog n i decide when to post

last few days....todally differnet...placemens happened...that day....6th of march....i was f***ed sideways....aundhe karke maari meri un compny walo ne...uar mai marwata raha...good thing i got an offer....at kearney...jaisi kearney waisi bharni...jaisei kearney waisi bharni....
nahi to i would have been devastated....
but i would hve resurfaced next day...
in fact one of the intervieweers asked me.....what if we dont mak u n offer....n i said...i will be sad...but i will recover by 9 in the evening...n i would have...neway got n offer

consultants bahut bade madar c**d hote hai...n i am gonnna be one of them....n i am gonna do the same madar c***di which i faced this yr...but woh bahut bade wale hote hai

i wanted to be a consultant....never got a shortlist in summers...did an i bnking summers....hated it.....now am a consultant....with one of the top 5 firms in the world....

today had a dorm daaru party...people gave me feedbck.....i am fighter...am i? i dont know....

just now called a dear friend of mine....why did i call her...why did i wake her up at this time of te night....it needs a lot of trust to kow the oter person wouldnt mind...n i knew that she wouldnt ...hopeshe didnt....bt m still wondering...why did i call her....

bloody...life ias to advance.....i have to advance....
bloody i donte even know i fam gonna rememger wha i typed in the monring.....but wanted to type it as it is....

am i gonna miss this place... dont know....vu i am g


p.s. This post was typed when i was drunk last night...so i am not changing anything n just posting as it is.... :o)